The Day I Realized I was Raising Little Brats!

If I be honest with myself, I can admit that I knew deep down that my kids had some “bratty” tendencies but I would suppress those feelings by saying to myself, “They’re just being kids” or “They’ll grow out of it”. Boy, was I wrong on so many levels.

I can remember the exact moment when I realized I was raising disrespectful, entitled, little snots. My sister asked me if she could take my boys (ages 6 and 7) to a trampoline park one Friday morning. I was so grateful that she offered because I had several errands to run that morning. She picked the boys up around 8 am and I took my two girls with me to run my errands. I went to the store to pick up some groceries for the house and some snacks, pizzas, and chicken nuggets for the kids. I made sure to look over my list to make sure I got everything the kids asked for. Once we left the store, I then went to a Christian bookstore to get the kids some learning material. My 3-year-old saw a movie she wanted on the way out. She cried and screamed for that movie…so I caved and bought her the movie along with several other items I didn’t need. Once we got back in the car, my daughter said she wanted chicken. There was a Wendy’s right there in the same parking lot so I suggested to her that we pick up some chicken nuggets. “No, Mommy! I want chicken on the bone! I don’t want no chicken nuggets!” She yelled at me. “Okay,” I said for the sake of keeping peace. I bypassed the Wendy’s and drove about 5 miles down the road to Church’s Chicken. By this time, I was exhausted.

We finally made it back home. I took the girls out of their car seats, put them in their room and turned their movie on. I then ran back out to the garage to pull the groceries out. “You didn’t press play,” my daughter said walking into the garage. “Honey, you’re going to have to wait until I bring the groceries in the house,” I said while struggling to bring the bags in. My daughter then sat in the middle of the kitchen floor with her arms crossed giving me the stink eye. I continued to make trips back and forth to the garage to bring bags in. Each time, she tried everything she could think of to annoy me so that I would go to her room and press the play button so she’d leave me alone. She would take everything out of the bags and throw it around the kitchen or she would take all the Debbie snacks out of the boxes and hide it under the sink. I finally gave in and pressed the play button. She stayed in her room for a whopping five minutes! “Mommy, can I have my chicken now?” She said coming back into the kitchen. I don’t think I have to go into detail here. You get the idea. Basically, she yelled and screamed….and I gave her what she wanted. Moving on…

About an hour later, my sister called and sounded a little weird on the phone. “Hello,” I said.

“Can you open the garage please?” She said with somewhat of an attitude.

“Okay…” I said a little confused as to why she was being so dry.

I opened the garage and saw the boys running up the driveway towards the house. My sister was still in the car on the street with her foot on the gas before I could even tell her “thank you” for taking them off my hands for a while. I thought her behavior was strange but I figured she must have had something else she needed to do so I shrugged it off.

Later that day, she sent me a text message saying that my boys were very disrespectful to her and other adults, they complained the whole time they were with her, and they challenged her like they were the adults and she was the child. I was mortified and embarrassed. I apologized to her and let her know that they would be handled appropriately. I sat on my bed for a while staring into space trying to figure out how to handle this situation. I honestly, didn’t know what to do. I was so disappointed and hurt by their actions. I looked up at the ceiling and began praying to God for an answer…and then it came to me. I was raising ungrateful little brats and I was one hundred percent the blame for it. Yes, I was the blame. Deep down, I’d known for a while that I was losing control of my kids. I was pacifying them and rewarding their bad behavior with things they didn’t deserve (video games, tablets, toys, movies, etc.) for the sake of not having to fight with them. Giving kids everything they want is not good parenting!

Now my emotions had shifted from embarrassment and disappointment to shame. I had let my kids down. Somewhere over the years, I had greatly blurred the lines between raising my children and making them happy. No good parent wants their kids to be unhappy. However, no good parent should forgo raising their children (providing them with guidance, direction, correction, and tough love) for the sake of their happiness either. So where do I go from here?

Here is a list of 8 things you can do to correct bad behavior!

1. Breathe through the frustration!

I know sometimes it's hard (Trust me...I KNOW!) but breathe through your frustration so you're not tempted to give into your child's demands just to get them to stop. Also, you don't want to confront your child in anger. Kids know when they're getting under your skin, so stay calm and let them know who's boss!

2. Be direct!

Tell the child what they did and let him know what the consequences are.

3. No empty threats!

Follow through with the consequence. Kids need to know that you mean what you say when you say it. If you don't follow through with the consequence, your words won't be effective.

4. Remove the payoff!

When my daughter yelled and screamed when she didn’t get her way, I would often get frustrated and just give her whatever it was she wanted. By me giving into that negative behavior, I was reinforcing her to scream to get what she wanted. I’ve heard Dr. Phil say a hundred times, “You don’t reward bad behavior!”

5. Be Consistent!

Consistency is key here. You must be consistent in not reinforcing bad behavior. Kids are very intelligent and they pay attention to EVERYTHING! If they know kicking and screaming is going to make you bend, they’ll do it every time to get their way. This is learned behavior.

6. Reward good behavior!

Take every opportunity to praise your child when they do something good.

7. Structure!

Children need rules and structure to teach them responsibility and also to prepare them for the real world.

8. Practice what you preach!

Another way children learn how to behave is by watching their parents. If you're hot- tempered, rude, or out of control, then you'll likely raise children who are hot-tempered, rude, or out of control. Lead by example!

Happy Parenting!!!

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