Overcoming Miscarriage

I waited patiently for those two little pink lines to appear as I hovered over that little white stick. The results on that stick could change my life forever. I stared at that stick as though looking away would cause it to mess up somehow. Finally, something began to happen. I looked, blinked, then looked again. The test was positive! I had just found out that my husband and I were pregnant with our fourth child!

My husband came walking through the door from work, shortly after. I had the biggest smile on my face. “Why are you looking so goofy?” He asked. The permanent smile on my face was so big, I could barely get any words out. “Our family is about to get bigger.” I responded barely able to contain myself. He gave me a look of disbelief at first. Then slowly but surely, a smile began to form on his face as he embraced me with a warm hug. We were so excited!

A few days later, Hubby and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie…and something happened. I jumped up off the couch and ran to the bathroom. I wiped myself off and there it was…blood. About five seconds later I began to feel what felt like horrible menstrual cramps. I sat down on the toilet gripping my stomach trying my very best not to make a sound so not to alarm my husband. The cramps finally stopped. I stood up and looked in the toilet. Though I couldn’t figure out exactly what I was looking at, I knew in my heart that I had lost the baby. I was devastated yet never dropped a tear.

I went back to the couch and sat down next to my husband. “Everything okay?” He asked me. I looked up at him with sad eyes. “No…I just lost the baby.” My husband stared at me for a while then finally said, “Well, let’s not jump to conclusions. Let’s wait and see what the doctor says.” I took his advice and tried my very best to not think about what happened on that dreadful day.

I sat in the doctor’s office twirling my thumbs waiting for the results from my blood work and ultrasound. The doctor finally came back in. He pulled his chair up towards me and said, as delicately as he could, “I’m sorry but this is not a healthy pregnancy.” My heart sank yet I refused to let a single tear fall from my face. Everything in me was hoping that the doctor had made a mistake but I knew deep down that he hadn’t. He told me that I had only passed part of the “pregnancy” and that I would need to have a dilation and curettage procedure. I scheduled my procedure for the following Friday.

As I was getting ready to leave, the medical assistant pulled me to the side. She could see the sadness in my eyes and took it upon herself to offer me some words of encouragement. She told me to trust God in all things. Even though I didn’t understand why this happened to us or why God allowed it, I had to trust Him in ALL things and be grateful for the healthy three children God had already blessed us with. We were already beyond blessed. Sometimes we focus so much on the bad that we disregard all the good God has already done. He’s done more than enough to compensate for the bad things we’ve experienced in our lives. Philippians 4:8-9 says, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” Set your mind on all the good to overcome and have peace during the bad.

I thanked her for the encouragement and walked out to my car. I sat in the driver’s seat staring out the window for a few moments and finally allowed myself to grieve the loss of our unborn child. After a good cry, I began to pray and thank God for everything he had done for us. As I prayed, a peace began to sweep over me.

After my D&C, it was almost like I was never pregnant. Though I’ll never forget about my little baby that I never saw, I took the medical assistant’s advice and focused on four of the best things that ever happened to me; my husband and three kids.

Two months later, God blessed us with baby number 5. Our healthy baby girl was born December 29, 2015. We named her Journey-Janiah. I never really understood why babies born after miscarriages were called “rainbow babies” but I get it now. Rainbows only appear after the storm.

#encouragementaftermiscarriage #rainbowbabies